Dating recovering alcoholic first year
There were other “incidents”: I seduced a guy who had a girlfriend who was out of town; I had to be reminded of a guy’s name while we were hooking up; I got so drunk I peed in a guy’s bed. So after quitting drinking and drugs, I also wanted to quit my disastrous dating pattern.
Still stinging from Mike’s rejection, I decided to date—but .
I realized then that sexual conquests were a major factor in how I cultivated self-esteem. If he asked why I wasn’t drinking, I had a few responses ready that I’d learned from other people in recovery: “I don’t feel like drinking tonight,” I might say, or “I have to get up early tomorrow,” or just shrug casually: “I’m good, thanks.” It never became an issue.
After 90 days in AA, I lost my “sober virginity” to Steve,* a funny guy in my Greek Theater class at NYU.
I wasn’t sure what kind of guy sober me was in to; I was like a teenager again. I set a limit of two hours per date, but would sometimes cut things short if I needed to.
When I went on first dates, I would treat them like anthropological experiments. To feel comfortable, I would arrange to meet at my favorite local cafés or restaurants. And I always kept a special dessert—like Trader Joe’s vanilla soy ice cream or snickerdoodle cookies—waiting for me at home as a reward. At first, if I wasn’t interested in someone, I would lie about why I didn’t want to see him again, or just stop answering his calls.
She’d found dealing with breakups hard, but she was still sober. I came into sobriety still reeling from a recent heartbreak.
Mike* was in an acting company with me, and we had shared a brief, passionate, tumultuous relationship.
I would get drunk and cry hysterically in front of him.We’d been seeing each other for two weeks and I felt ready.